I quickly tend to my 19 month old screaming child while my 3 & 6 year old fight over a toy all the while trying to come up with a creative way for my 8 year old to listen to the sacrament meeting. Feeling utterly helpless my husband observes my struggles from the stand. As I take my vociferous child out of the meeting I feel as though I am on the verge of tears. Feeling angry and upset, I question, why am I here?
After sacrament I then go to nursery where I have to stay for the remainder of church because my toddler won’t permit me to leave. Her screams and rampage at my absence are incomparable to the feelings of guilt that come over me as I think of the poor nursery leaders that have to listen to her. So I stay, and sit, and again I ask myself, why am I here?
Church comes to an end and I am running around sweeping up my children as I run for the car. The feeling of wanting to leave is more powerful than my need for socializing. As I get home I feel as though I am on the brink of an emotional collapse. I know I need a moment to gather myself together. At moments like this I go where I always go; my bedroom is the only room in the house that provides this solace. I immediately fall to my knees and pray. Again, I pose the questions I have been having throughout the day. As I end my prayer, although my heart feels lighter, my questions still linger in my head. And that is when I catch a glimpse of it. My daily quote book is open to today’s date. I go over to it and look at the quote for today, it happens to be a scripture in the Book of Mormon:
“Wherefore, ye must press forward with steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”
A smile forms abruptly. God so easily understood my stress. He so quickly gave me an answer. As small as my stresses seem to some, they were important to Him. In those moments of stress I often forget that this is such a small portion of my purpose; it is all about keeping the eternal perspective and continuing to press forward through life. I know where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing, so to church I will go, screaming children in tow and try desperately to soak up as much spiritual upliftment as I can. So with an answered prayer and a validated heart, I will press on to the next Sunday. I will do my very best and remember why I am there and more importantly why I am here...
After sacrament I then go to nursery where I have to stay for the remainder of church because my toddler won’t permit me to leave. Her screams and rampage at my absence are incomparable to the feelings of guilt that come over me as I think of the poor nursery leaders that have to listen to her. So I stay, and sit, and again I ask myself, why am I here?
Church comes to an end and I am running around sweeping up my children as I run for the car. The feeling of wanting to leave is more powerful than my need for socializing. As I get home I feel as though I am on the brink of an emotional collapse. I know I need a moment to gather myself together. At moments like this I go where I always go; my bedroom is the only room in the house that provides this solace. I immediately fall to my knees and pray. Again, I pose the questions I have been having throughout the day. As I end my prayer, although my heart feels lighter, my questions still linger in my head. And that is when I catch a glimpse of it. My daily quote book is open to today’s date. I go over to it and look at the quote for today, it happens to be a scripture in the Book of Mormon:
“Wherefore, ye must press forward with steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”
A smile forms abruptly. God so easily understood my stress. He so quickly gave me an answer. As small as my stresses seem to some, they were important to Him. In those moments of stress I often forget that this is such a small portion of my purpose; it is all about keeping the eternal perspective and continuing to press forward through life. I know where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing, so to church I will go, screaming children in tow and try desperately to soak up as much spiritual upliftment as I can. So with an answered prayer and a validated heart, I will press on to the next Sunday. I will do my very best and remember why I am there and more importantly why I am here...
14 comments:
And I think it's bad with my two little ones!! I know the feeling you have when you feel like you don't get anything spiritual out of church... but I know it's there, I know my kids are learning (what I don't know...) but we go... thanks for sharing :)
Oh, those Sundays are frustrating, but they sure make you appreciate the good ones! On those hard days I just remember a story my mother-in-law told me - she had Chris, his sister who was 15 months younger and then 2 years later had twin girls. One of the twins had started to cry during Sacrament meeting, then the other one cried for lack of attention as well. My mother-in-law got up to leave with the twins when the two older ones noticed she was leaving and grabbed on to each of her legs. She looked for help from her husband on the stand (who now says if he could do one thing over in life - this is it - he would have gotten down from the stand to help). While all this is happening the speaker stops speaking and says, "Go ahead. We'll wait for you to leave." Ugh! I think I would have crawled in the closest hole I could find. But, we keep doing the best we can and the Lord knows we're doing our best - that's all we can do! You are such a great mom, Lindsay!
I agree. I ask myself that question almost every Sunday. I loved this post. Thanks. I often pray for an eternal perspective but I get so caught up in day to day life. But I need to work on this more.
It is amazing HOW that peace can come so quickly and so swiftly in those moments we need it the most. Only a God in Heaven would knows how and when to bring light to his daughter at the right moment......is truly a miracle to me! Thanks for sharing!
Please e-mail me your address so I can put you on my christmas card list. Also, Brandon's camera is 1/2 of the tradition and running them to the photo lab is the other 1/2. If you take one of them out it ruins the tradition.......though a digital camera does sound nice.
Oh Lindsay- I feel for you! I used to hate it when Russell was Bishop and on the stand, and I had a 4 year old, 17 month old, and a newborn- and I only had 3 kids, not 4! I will keep an eye out, and try and help you next time! Sorry I wasn't there this week. x
That got me emotional. I love that scripture. It spoke to me today. Thanks again for your posts, they are always so amazing.
Oh Lyns. I have started to gear up on Sunday morning just like you, knowing what is coming with little Ty. Wiggles, screams when things don't go his way, crawling down the isle as fast as he can, feeding cheerios, chees sticks, more bottles anything to keep his mouth and hands occupied. Last Sunday I was incharge of sharingtime so WHit had him all three hours and when I saw him at the end completely frazzled with stains on his suit and crumbs in his hair he said feebily that the next sunday he wanted a day off!
so true buddy and beautifully written :)
as always :)
there is a great talk on this by
M .Russell Ballard(last conference...April 08)
daughters of God....you praobably have read
anywya cya
bron
great photo of you too by the way
you are awesome Linds! Loving all the pics of you too! Mwah xox
Hi Lindsay, I'm Rachel - Harvey baptised me about 16 years ago now. This was one of the first scriptures he showed me when I was investigating. It has always been a favourite of mine and one I lean on when times are trying. I love reading your blog, you have a wonderful way with words and I regularly find myself laughing, nodding my head, & even shedding a tear or two...and I just wanted to say thanks ;) you make me want to be a better mummy/person - Rachel.
i love the pic of you linds!! i had my first "do it all" sunday last week. i have a LONG way to go but it's nice to know you're doing it too. i'm gonna think of you when i'm having one of my moments!! thanks for this post! xo
Linds,,,,this post is so true...I ask that question every week. In fact, I did cry in the mother's lounge a few weeks ago...but...I realized that even though it is hard...deep down...I don't want to stop...ever....I know it's true...I know is best for my family....I would not be whole without it...crazy.
Amen! I understand 100%. Some sundays are good others couldn't be worse. I only have one child so I guess that the challenges just continue to build but I am sure the joy does to. My VT companion said on Sunday that the time our kids are at home with us as young children is such a small time in the a life time, she encouraged me to change my perspective and enjoy the time while I have kids in the home.
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