The first time it happened was 5 years ago and I knew in my heart if I could just make it through that day I would never have to feel that way again. Savannah was 5 years old at the time and I remember watching her anxiously waiting at the door with her oversized backpack on and her brand-new school clothes. She was so excited to begin what was to be her first day of school. Her bus slowly pulled up to the house and she bravely embarked, but as her bus pulled away I suddenly realized I wasn't quite as lionhearted and I quickly sprinted to my car. I drove with speed hoping to make it there before she did. I pulled up to her school realizing that my race car driving tactics allowed me to beat her bus. I climbed out of my car and walked to the steps of the school. I anxiously waited as I saw her bus pull up and I watched her jump off. She saw me and excitedly ran towards me. I grabbed her in my arms still unwilling to let her go, but knowing it was time. I walked her to her classroom, gave her sweet kisses goodbye and walked away. My was heart broken. Questions pounded in my head, "Is she ready,""Am I ready?" I slowly walk back to my car, a pace contrary to that of the morning. My heart was heavy and although I was proud of her independence at that very moment I realized I was not ready to let her go.

As that day came and went I was certain that once I overcame it with my first child I would never have to feel that pain again. It would become just another yearly routine to drop off my children and watch their excitement towards their first day of school.

Although I am rarely wrong (he, he) , I still can't grasp how utterly wrong this thought would actually be. For not only do I experience these feeling with each child that begins their life in academics; I encounter these feelings with each child every year. For as I watch Savannah enter the forth grade my thoughts and feelings are the same as when she ventured into kindergarten. "Is she ready?" "Will she find friends?" "Will she like her teacher?" "Will she be happy?" And to make matters worse I watch as Madison piddles along behind her and all those thoughts and feelings are now doubled in intensity as I now have two undertaking the trials and pleasures of school life.

Today, Carson entered preschool. Although the anxiety will increase as kindergarten rears its ugly head; my heart again is heavy with the realization that these moments with my children being small are temporary and before I can even grasp how much I cherish them they will be independent and gone.

So with every cry, tantrum, mood swing, yell, scream, and disobedient murmur I receive; I pledge to quickly appreciate the laughs, hugs, unconditional love, toddling runs, cute phrases, sweet whispered "I love you's", and the tiny little bodies that mold into yours as you hold them. Time truly does fly and I will never be able to lasso it down and hold on to it, but hopefully I will learn to remember and appreciate the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days while they are young and I still have them slightly within arms reach.

Good Luck my babies as you begin a new year of learning, adventures, trials and tribulations, growth and achievements!