My Baby is 4! Say what???

I woke up the morning of the 9th in complete disarray.  I had gone through the motions of buying presents, thinking of ways to make her day "special", making a her requested cake...but I don't think I actually took the time to think about what this day meant.

That morning she woke up as happy as could be.  She couldn't wait for someone to tell her Happy Birthday and when all spoke those words her smile couldn't have been bigger.  All the while as happy as I was for her I was left with a selfish melancholy feeling.

Emma holds a heavy burden of birthdays for with each birthday she has it is the ending of a chapter for me.  I will no longer hold one of my infants in my arms gently caressing their sweet cheeks, holding their tiny little hands and kissing their tiny little feet.  I will no longer try to contain a bustling 1 year old who is itching to be on a constant move.  I will no longer watch my 2 year old stumble upon first words and make me laugh with each clumsy sentence that is formulated.  I will no longer observe my three year olds as they become independent and discover the world around them.  Each year Emma leaves behind I am left with a sad heart waving goodbye to that last bit of childhood that I will never have again.

Ahhh, so now as I read this with a sad heart, I have to digress for as sad as I am about saying goodbye to all my lasts I will experience with my children I look to the future with excitement and joy.  I look forward to the embarking of Emma's 5th year of life.  She is hilarious (as she often states), she is independent, she is fun.  Long gone are the days where I have little ones completely reliant in every way.  My kids are growing up and with that comes new adventures I never thought possible.  I look to the future with hope and I am relishing in the present.  It is only moments in time, like today, when I find myself reminiscent of what once was.

Happy Birthday to the most emotionally sporadic, hilarious, easiest to raise and spunkiest 4 year old around.  I love you my sweet Emma more than you can comprehend at this moment in your life.  May your year be filled with growth, learning and more joy than one can possibly experience.